Monday, May 23, 2011

The Unwakeable Heavy Sleeper and the Slim Jim

If you are reading this, then you survived the weekend with all the bullshit of the world ending and all.

Anyway, Yesterday at work, I was just standing around thinking what I should blog about when I get home when suddenly this lady walks in. She walks up to me and asks me "Do you have a Slim Jim?"

R.I.P Macho Man randy Savage
Then I was like "OOOHHHH YEAHHH!!!!!! Nah just joking... what for?" 

She replies, "My husband is locked inside the car with the air on sleeping and my child is inside as well."

I reply, "Did you try banging on the door or window?"

She said, "Yes, but he wont wake up."

I offered my banging services and went with her to her car and there he was, sleeping inside the car, like so:


I thought to myself, did she not even try to wake him up? I go ahead and bang on the window. No response. I bang a little harder. Nothing. What the fuck!? Really? He didn't wake up! I start rocking the car from side to side. He moved a little bit, but that was because of the rocking.

I start banging on the hood really loud! Nothing still! I then send her over to the Jiffy Lube at the end of the parking lot to see if she can find someone with a Slim Jim.

I kept banging on the cars hood, windows, doors and everything! This guy is a heavy sleeper!! Nothing seems to wake this guy up! I ended up stopping a car and asking them to honk their horns, after explaining them the situation really quickly. They began honking, and another car as well and nothing! 

Another employee came to look at the situation and decided to call the police. Then the wife of the guy came back with a guy and his Slim Jim. 

They managed to open the cars window and open the door.

She shook her husband and the guy wakes up with a face like "WHY THE FUCK YOU SHAKING ME BITCH!" 

He was all disoriented. 

Looking around at everyone who was there with a face like, "WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT?"


With that over, as I was walking back to work, my boss asks me,"You gonna blog about this?"

DEFINITELY 

42 comments:

  1. yes I survived the apocalypse.
    your story is epic

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  2. yep i am also still here :)

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  3. LOL he probably didn't want to deal with his wife!

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  4. LOL!

    At first I was like, "OMG IS HE DEAD?"

    but this was definitely a more hilarious ending. (:

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  5. I though it was like a fake man in there.

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  6. that doesnt look like a comfy place to sleep

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  7. Aha awesome story man, slim jims are endlessly usefull ;D

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  8. Gonna miss Randy... How we all gonna snap into slim jims now?

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  9. now i know how i knew him! the slim jim comercial! holy crap!

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  10. that is insane! did they break anything from the car?

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  11. Wow, sounds a bit like a jerk. But something to blog about!

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  12. Congratulations, mister Parking Lot Napper! You win the asshole of the week award!

    And it's only Monday. That's a feat.

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  13. That is AWESOME! While he was still disorientated you should have yelled that he was missing the rapture!

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  14. Buahahahahahaha! It's those spontaneous stories that are the best. Hell yes. XD

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  15. Haha, that sounds like me. When I'm out it takes an artillery shell to wake me.

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  16. OHHHH YEAAAHHHH.. great story too xD

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  17. LOL. Are you going to blog about this?

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  18. wow man. WOW. haha.

    I locked myself out of my car at work once and a loyal customer had a slimjim on him and helped me break inside.

    *side note*
    I don't consider The Dark Knight a legit comic/superhero movie since Nolan does such an awesome job grounding his Batman franchise with such real/human elements. I love the Dark Knight though, but i really see it more of an amazing thriller than a comicbook come to life.

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  19. I've a mate who is a heavy sleeper like this guy.

    It's happened a few times when out drinking, resulting in the liberal application of permanent marker in various comic designs...

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  20. Urgh, heavy sleepers - major pet hate! That sounds hillarious though, I wish I could experience this :)

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  21. Randy Macho Man Savage is dead and this worthless slob lives on.

    There is no justice in the universe.

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  22. Hahahaha, jesus christ that is ridiculous. I guess he absolutely felt like he was in his baby's mind

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  23. I admire anybody that has the ability to actually fall asleep in a car. I love roadtrips and that was always the biggest challenge for me. Hard to believe the guy was halfway in a coma too, I wonder if his wife lets him sleep at night...

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  24. As much as we admire his fondness of the Slim Jim. Now I mean this sincerely, do you think they are what did him in?

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  25. I once offered a woman my banging services.

    I'm not allowed in that day care center ever again. :(

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  26. Wonderful, wonderful ending.

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  27. Lol, I should have been there!

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  28. heh, this all sounds very familiar to me.

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  29. hahahaha awesome story xD good old slim jims :D

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  30. Hahaha, them cars can be mighty comfy I guess :P

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  31. @The Angry Lurker he is, isn't he?

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